How to Change Your Beliefs to Deal With Haters


You don’t need to ‘count to 10’

Never hate your enemies, it clouds your judgement — Michael Corleone, The Godfather Part III

All of us often struggle to deal with haters. When I talk about haters I don’t mean people who put mean comments on your social media posts or your articles.

I mean all people who are negative, irritated, short-tempered, disrespectful, etc.

The list goes on.

You’ll find them at home, at work, and everywhere you go.

First, Understand This

The main problem with haters is not their words and actions.

The problem is, they make you react in a way you don’t want to.

You’re a good person. We all are.

I believe that. In fact, I know that.

But the world doesn’t see you that way. It defines you on the basis of your actions (and reactions).

Do you want to be labeled as angry or irritated? No.

But you do such things anyway. Not because you’re bad. But you let your emotions take a toll on you.

To change this, you’ve to change a fundamental belief —

“I reacted that way because that person said this”

You’re blaming it on the environment or the situation you’re in.

But it’s just an excuse to not work on yourself.

You see, in a utopian world, nobody should influence your state of mind or emotions — you have strong self-control and rational thinking prevails over emotions.

But you don’t live there. You live in reality. And your job is to move as close to that state as possible.

It’s your responsibility to take the control back.

I’ve often tried ‘tips’ and ‘tricks’ to deal with such people. But those are just tips. They rarely work.

But a change in your belief is not a ‘trick’. It’s a permanent change in personality.

Realize this. You’ll face people who will not treat you nicely, every day. Many times a day. You need to learn how to deal with them.

“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness — all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow-creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man’s two hands, feet or eyelids, or the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature’s law — and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Everyone can be happy in happy environments. But it’s worth learning how to be happy when shit hits the fan.

Don’t Receive Their Hate

Whenever someone is mean to you, hurts you, or otherwise does something you don’t like, you take it to heart.

You think about it again and again — only to magnify their effect and the pain. We suffer not once, not twice, but multiple times.

This mental rumination is toxic — “How can he speak to me like this?”, “I don’t believe she did this!”

To not receive their hate and negativity means to lock yourself away mentally.

It’s difficult but possible. You need to affirm that whatever they say will not affect you.

It’s as if their words enter one ear and go out of the next ones. Don’t take it to heart.

Mentally make a cross (X) on their face with your thumb. (Don’t do it literally though). The cross symbolizes your intent to block the negative energy.

You are not the body, you are the soul. The soul is eternal. How can you then possibly be hurt?

Give Them Your Love

Love is the tool of the powerful.

It has the power to transform all negatives into positives.

When you’re around such people, be in a ‘giving’ mode.

You already know how to stop their negativity. Now it’s time for you to shine your light on them.

It will catch them off guard and end the argument right away.

Work on developing your love first before giving it to others. Prayer, meditation, chanting, and spending time with happy people are some ways to awaken the natural love of the heart.

Once your magnetism is strong enough, you can spread it to all who are suffering from hatred.

You are a child and an instrument of God. Your job is to spread his light into the world. The world needs it.

Especially in these stressful times when we’re in a recession and the virus is hanging like a sword on our neck.

Lead With Empathy

Hurt people hurt people.

The people who hate are not well themselves — physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

People who post mean comments on social media are looking for love.

They’re doing this to get attention or to bring others down at their own level — because they’re stuck.

Realize that they’re hurt in some way or the other.

Try to help them out. Put yourself in their shoes and then think like them. You’ll learn much more about the person and about human nature in general.

Always assume people are good. They just have opinions, beliefs, or habits you disagree with.

If Nothing Works Distance Yourself

You can die from someone else’s misery — emotional states are as infectious as diseases — Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power

I know it’s a difficult path. Learning to be calm and loving in the face of hatred is demanding. But it’s the only way to grow.

In situations where you can’t help it, withdraw yourself. Establish strong systems to help yourself.

Listen to music, meditate, go for a walk, watch a funny video, or do anything else to take your mind away from the situation.

But most of all, keep your mouth shut. Words hurt the most. Silence is the best tool to avert the crisis.

You should know how to become centered again to have the resilience to deal with it. Raise your energy by doing something you like. Don’t let the energy of others control you.

“What’s the one thing to prevent me from lashing out in the moment?”

Answer this question and always return to that thing in times of distress.

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Written on June 11, 2020